Not long ago we had a family request cremation for their deceased loved one; when we asked about the end destination for his ashes we were told the urn would be buried in a local cemetery along with that of his wife and three of their pets.  Those ashes had been in his home for a number of years and no one was particularly interested in retaining custody after his demise.

That’s the nice thing about ashes of the deceased.  At any point in the future you can bury them or scatter them, hide them in a closet or display them on the mantle.  The options are almost endless.  Other after death decisions are not so easily changed.

For example, let us consider the inclusion of vases for flowers when monuments are purchased.  Granite ones are somewhat expensive but bronze ones can really stretch the budget.  Understandably, people want to put flowers on the graves of their parents or other family members such as children they have lost, but many cemeteries won’t allow those flowers to just sit on the ground for extended periods of time due to increased maintenance requirements.  No one wants to go visiting their deceased ancestors and see bouquets of flowers hiding in the tall grass because the mower can’t mow without eating them and the weed eater can’t eat without flinging petals everywhere.  Ah, but what happens when the generation that purchased the monument leaves this earthly plain?  Either the next generation assumes the mantle of floral responsibility or the last bouquet ever placed remains until the forces of Nature fade them into oblivion.  Sun and rain will do a number on any type of flower, and eventually they dissolve into nothingness.  Even if the next generation is willing to expend the time and money required, what about the generation after them . . . and the generation after that?  If everyone gets a vase and expects eternal floral offerings, somebody at some point is going to be spending a great deal money.  So the decision has to be made when the monument is purchased—to vase or not to vase?  That is the question, and the answer often depends upon how far into the future the purchaser is willing to think.

Now, let’s move on to burial spots.  The majority of folks choose to bury in established cemeteries, but in Tennessee it doesn’t necessarily have to be that way.  If you want to bury your spouse in the back yard or on the family farm, there are no legal restrictions that prevent you from doing just that.  If you live in a subdivision, or even just inside the city limits, there might be covenants and restrictions that prohibit the practice, but for the most part, rural areas don’t face those obstacles.  So, what’s the problem?  Well, the decision makers aren’t going to live forever, and neither will their children or their grandchildren.  That being the case, as strongly as you may believe your property will never sell and will always remain in the family, that just isn’t going to happen.  And unless some creative real estate agent can spin the inclusion of a few graves into a positive attribute, you might find that folks just aren’t real excited about buying the family cemetery when they purchase the house and adjoining acreage.  Eventually those graves may either be parceled off and deeded to the remaining family members—who probably live in Timbuktu at that point—or someone will be required to move them.  If they are left undisturbed, either in the hands of new owners or remote descendants, over the years Nature and neglect will swallow them up, never to be seen again.

As difficult as it may be to contemplate, when you are called upon to make decisions that will literally affect generations to come, try to rev up your mental time machine or break out your crystal ball and look a hundred or so years into the future.  What seems practical and perfectly natural to you now may become a burden to those who follow in your footsteps—and burdens such as those are rarely ever carried graciously, if at all.

The post After Death Decisions appeared first on Shackelford Funeral Directors | Blog.